Anxiety is something that now all of us know so much about. Even those that thought their lives were planned out and set were not ready for what’s going on now. That is what’s call situational anxiety disorder. For those of us who have been dealing with anxiety our entire lives it’s just another day. We are going to talk about different types of anxiety and situations vs chemical imbalance and what makes up the difference. I also want to touch on and provide different avenues that I have taken to help me as far as counseling and journaling even if you record your voice during these times help to log what triggers and how you can understand even yourself through these times. I am not a doctor, only a mother, wife and woman who struggles with PTSD, Postpartum depression and anxiety, and manic depression. I want to go with this experience with you and I want you to go through mine with me. There is not enough honest people that will comment and share things that we all feel alone but to have someone say I see you and its ok we will get through this together can save lives.

Postpartum Depression and Anxiety is one of the biggest killers in women. I am not just talking about physical lives being lost I am also talking about the part that is dead and you feel like you cannot talk about it. The judgement of being a bad mother is strong in our society so much so that women will point fingers at others to deflect the struggles they are having with their children and mental health. “Well at least I don’t…” is something that I have heard but more embarrassing have said to make sure I feel like I am doing ok. Here is a truth that we need to hear, you are not alone and we have all been there or going through it so lets stop judging each other to literal death and start bring each other back to life. I have had postpartum depression with each one of my children and as different as each child was my depression looked just as different. I thought I was alone my husband was not there and it drove us apart. At the first signs of feeling like hurting yourself or baby tell your doctor and get help. There is no shame in it and those that will shame you are not meant for your life.

Postpartum depression and anxiety goes ignored too often and too long. A woman can experience this for years after the baby is born. With my son it lasted a few months, with my second daughter it lasted 3 years, my third is almost 2 and I am pregnant and I am still battling with postpartum from my third. I can tell you from experience that this can and will destroy your marriage and other relationships if you let it. I chose help. A lot of it! Faithful Counseling was one of the most amazing apps that allows me to FaceTime and text my counselor. Talking to a neutral party freely is important as well as speaking to the people closest to you can keep your spirit alive which keeps you alive. Also remember this everyone deals with these things different so what was right for your neighbor or friend may not be right for you, so be afraid to try many different things.

PTSD in longer terms post traumatic stress disorder is depression and anxiety caused by experiences such as war, abuse and near death accidents. Let’s forget the definition though because it is not that simple and much more serious.

I cannot speak on PTSD caused by war because I am not a veteran but I have the most respect for those who have gone into the war tour after tour and seen many of their own die in front of them. Also, making the decision to eliminate and kill someone who is doing the same job on the opposite side. To look at another man or woman when you know they also have family waiting for them, that is your age must bring a different amount of stress. Like I said I have not experienced it but would love to hear from anyone who has and is open about their experiences with PTSD due to war please leave a comment.

Another road to PTSD is abuse. I am not talking about getting a spanking from your parents when you did something bad. I am talking about another person physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally destroying another. Abuse is not just a bruise it is taking away another’s humanity. I know this very well and no matter when it happens in life the healing must start before you can have healthy relationships and healthy mental health. What people will not tell you is that it is a daily battle the scars will be left and there will be reminders that pop up unannounced.

There are men and women that have this same anxiety when something horrible goes such as miscarriage. When pregnancy happens again the anxiety is heightened and the positive thought are not there until you see your baby born and alive and is resting in your arms.

Let’s talk about the anxiety elephant in the room. The fight to keep calm in a high stress job. I am not talking about CEOs I am talking about actual stressful jobs such as being a police officer and first responder. Their are so many men and women that are in the line of fire every day and night. Some with young children and spouses at home wondering if this is the night. Officers step out of a vehicle at a school shooting stand off not knowing if they will be in the line of fire but know if it is between them or a school kid they have to step into that line. They walk up to a fight not know for sure if/ what kind of weapons are on the scene. Watching children get shot or abused and knowing they are limited in the actions they can do. That is something I cannot imagine seeing everyday. Sure their places where this is nonexistent but that is not the experience of the police officers I have seen. Their are good men and women that join these cities to protect the people, all of the people but get downplayed and railroaded because of the officers that have bad intentions and don’t belong in the forces. The amazing police officers get gagged, judged and don’t have the human rights because of these officers that had no intention to serve and protect just enforce their own agenda.

Is the justice system broken absolutely, is there brave men and women that are trying to change that with actual conversations absolutely! This brings me to my next form of anxiety in US society, Black Lives Matters!

As a black mother with a son it pains me to have the conversations I have to have with my son because of the nation we live in. Some may say “we’ll go back to Africa!” But shall we talk about why black Americans are here in the first place. The anxiety of racial tension doesn’t just start and stop with getting pulled over it is also in the work force, school and walking into the school. I have always lived in predominantly white neighborhoods and was always one of the only black people living there and with parents and foster parents that were white no one was there to help through the racism and abuse that would happen to me everyday at school and just trying to make friends. I was taught to keep my mouth shut and go along with it. That is not what I am teaching my children. Black Lives Matters is not a violent group but get stuck with that because of people who are not on either side of this raging war where it doesn’t need to raged. The anxiety of knowing my son will be out there alone and the dangers that can happen if he simply just gets lost is overwhelming. For too long Black Americans have been spoken for by white liberals who have no idea what they are talking about. Where they are well meaning this is not about their social media feeds and police officers have been spoken for by radical conservatives that have no dog in this fight and actually do more harm than good. Both parties need to shut up and let for black men and women and police officers have the conversations they need to have in order to make change. My goal in this is not have the most followers my goal in this is to get rid of police spouses anxiety or lesson it and get rid of the allowances that have been spoken against Black American human rights so that I and many other black mothers can live in any neighborhood safely. I live in the suburbs and have had to pull my son out of elementary school because of racism. I am open to having this conversation and seeing the side that I am not on, are you?